Everybody keeps saying Teddy's great and sweet, and but all I see his trouble Billy. He's fucked you up, and now Setsuna too. I'm not trying to stick my nose into you guys' business, I swear I'm not, but this is Setsuna. I can't just . . . let him be hurt. Not like this, not in this place. I wanna help Billy. God do I wanna help . . .
[He just didn't know how. Steve was so damn lost . . .]
That place is just so dangerous Billy. It's full of all the worst temptations this place has. And I'm worried you're getting addicted.
Teddy isn't at fault for any of this. It's mine. I'm the one who's messed up, and who gave up on ever seeing him again. If you're the worried about Setsuna, you should keep him away from me too, Steve. I've hurt a lot of people. It doesn't matter if it was unintentionally or not.
Look, there are temptations all around us. What's wrong with giving into a few that are actually good? I'm not getting out of here, and I'm fine with that. Really. At least here I don't have to worry about blowing up reality or anything else I do back home... I can just focus on getting the people out who want to leave.
Setsuna loves you Billy. He loves Teddy. I love you. If we can just get past whatever the hell is eating you, I think this can all be fixed. I dunno how, but there's gotta be something we can all do.
[The words him with a visible blow and he just stared at the screen, speechless. Oh god. Oh god. Billy too. Billy too? Was it him? Was Steve somehow corrupting people into self destructing as he tried not to? Was all of it his fault somehow?]
I don't need to be fixed! Maybe I can't be. I just want to be what I am, Steve. If people can't deal with it, then fine. They don't have to. But the one thing I've had my whole life is not molding myself to someone else's expectations, even if the consequences suck.
I can love people. I do love people, but I can't be with Teddy right now.
[He just-- can't. Between the cult watching him and other reasons, how could he take that risk?]
I'm fine, Steve. I'll deal with everything the same way I've dealt with everything else. Hell, for two years, I thought I was split up from Teddy anyway, then there was Scott... I didn't even get to break up with him, or say goodbye. Maybe this is a sign relationships aren't for me. And that's fine.
I don't care if you want Teddy Billy, I care if you want Setsuna! He's the one that's fragile! He's the one reaching out! I can't help him this time, I can't protect him! Let me help!
[It was a heartfelt plea. Teddy wasn't someone Steve knew, and while he felt guilty for tossing him aside, Setsuna was more important. Billy was more important. Maybe one day Teddy would matter that much, but at the moment Teddy was the issue. Nothing was as huge a problem before Teddy showed up!
He flinched again and looked away. Steve knew how that felt.]
I've felt the same way Billy. I realized I've been cutting everyone off, out. Not reaching for people like I was but missing what I used to have. Maybe it's my fault you're going through all this. Maybe it's something from the island. I don't know, but this isn't good for either of us. Please. Billy . . .
What do you want me to do? Setsuna is one of my best friends, but I don't know how to tell you more than that! And he's-- stronger than you're giving him credit for. I've seen the shit he's been through or he's been willing to do. He might need support, but he's not hopeless.
[He pushes a hand through his hair, tries to will down the frustration.]
None of this is your fault. I'm just... safer on my own. Safer for other people.
I just . . . I just want everyone to be happy dammit! I want you all to be safe and happy and I don't know what the hell to do to make that happen here! And I know Setsuna's not a baby! I just . . . He's been through so much Billy. I know you know what I mean. How can I not want to protect him?
[Steve wasn't much better. He wanted to have his hands on Billy, to be able to offer at least physical comfort. For them both. Not that it would help . . .]
You can't make people happy, Steve. They've got to do that for themselves... trust me, I know that better than anyone. And I know he has. But you can't protect him entirely down here. None of us can be protected entirely.
[And he wishes that wasn't the case, but he doesn't know how to change it either. He lets out a short, shaky sigh.]
It's okay. If you really want to help me, why don't you come over? We haven't fucked in a while and I want to not think for a while.
I know but . . . I know. I know all of it Billy. But it doesn't stop how much I wanna protect everyone. It's not logical, you know that.
[There was so much hope in his eyes when he looked at the camera it was probably painful. Why would it mean so much? Steve just didn't know, but it did and would. He'd been essentially celibate since James left, but he missed it. Missed being close, holding someone, feeling loved.]
I know, Steve. I know. But I don't know what to do either... not beyond what I am doing.
[And it's not enough apparently. Or it's not right. Or-- whatever. He sighs, eyes drifting downward.]
You don't have to say please when I'm offering. I'll leave the door unlocked. Don't be soft about it... I'm not that breakable, and I want bruises tomorrow.
[Rough too? It wouldn't be the first time. The things they'd done on the island made the hotel seem tame. He could be rough. Steve rather enjoyed rough when he could get it, but it wasn't often someone just came out and asked for it.]
I can give you bruises baby, if you want 'em. We can do whatever you want Billy. Anything. You're sure it's ok? Really sure?
[Because he didn't want to make any problems for anyone. It just seemed like a good idea to ask again.]
[Steve didn't keep Billy waiting. He made it to the man's suite in record time and slipped in the door, glancing around. He was trying very very hard not to listen too closely, although he wasn't quite sure why.]
[Billy can't really stop himself from pacing back and forth a bit. His mind is going a little too fast to settle down, and honestly-- he's ready for a distraction.
[He tightened his hand slowly on the man's arm until he knew it would cross the line into pain, and leave a faint bruise. Steve's eyes never left Billy's face, his voice rough and deep when he spoke.]
I need to know when it gets to be too much. Swear you'll stop me Billy. Swear it and I'll hurt you.
Might forget and look at you funny, but sure. Stop works too. I'll at least pause.
[Steve didn't let Billy pull away. In fact, he tightened his fingers a little more. He understood the point of safewords, but he wasn't very experienced with them. Mostly he wasn't violent with people, and when someone was with him, he trusted that person to stop before he was dead. That was sort of how far he was willing to go. But words like "stop" and "no" would always make him pause and check in anyway.
He pulled Billy's arm towards him, making the man step closer.]
Do I leave marks Billy? Do I break anything? Make you bleed?
[Steve moved fast, too fast for a normal man, and in a heartbeat he had Billy pinned to the nearest wall, and hand around the man's throat tight enough to making breathing just tiniest bit difficult. His other hand slid down Billy's chest, and lower as he leaned in, whispering in the man's ear.]
You know, I've had a lot of experience since the island. I think you'll be quite pleased.
[His breath catches in his throat as he hits the wall, his heart beat picking up. He isn't afraid though, excitement is clear in his eyes. He shifts a little bit, just to feel the pressure at his throat as Steve's hand moves down his body.]
Yeah? What do you like best Billy boy? What's your favorite naughty thing?
[When Billy leaned into his hands, Steve obliged him. He tightened the fingers on the man's throat just a touch, and his other hand worked under Billy's shirt, fingers finding bare skin. His nails scraped against the man's belly lightly, teasing.]
[He swallows, trying not to squirm as fingernails rake over his skin. It's hard to focus on talking when he's getting so much of what he wants already.]
Right now? I want you to do whatever you want, however you want it. I want you to fuck me until I can't think straight.
[Steve leaned in, nuzzling the man's temple as he spoke, smirking against warm skin. Billy's body under his hands was so hot, so eager. He tightened his hand just a tiny bit more on the man's throat as his fingers dug into firm muscle. Just to tease.]
Do you remember the island Billy? Being together there? I know I do. Shall I fill you up now like I did then? Until you can't possible hold any more?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 07:55 pm (UTC)[He just didn't know how. Steve was so damn lost . . .]
That place is just so dangerous Billy. It's full of all the worst temptations this place has. And I'm worried you're getting addicted.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 08:00 pm (UTC)Look, there are temptations all around us. What's wrong with giving into a few that are actually good? I'm not getting out of here, and I'm fine with that. Really. At least here I don't have to worry about blowing up reality or anything else I do back home... I can just focus on getting the people out who want to leave.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 08:29 pm (UTC)[The words him with a visible blow and he just stared at the screen, speechless. Oh god. Oh god. Billy too. Billy too? Was it him? Was Steve somehow corrupting people into self destructing as he tried not to? Was all of it his fault somehow?]
Billy . . .
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 09:16 pm (UTC)I can love people. I do love people, but I can't be with Teddy right now.
[He just-- can't. Between the cult watching him and other reasons, how could he take that risk?]
I'm fine, Steve. I'll deal with everything the same way I've dealt with everything else. Hell, for two years, I thought I was split up from Teddy anyway, then there was Scott... I didn't even get to break up with him, or say goodbye. Maybe this is a sign relationships aren't for me. And that's fine.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 09:31 pm (UTC)[It was a heartfelt plea. Teddy wasn't someone Steve knew, and while he felt guilty for tossing him aside, Setsuna was more important. Billy was more important. Maybe one day Teddy would matter that much, but at the moment Teddy was the issue. Nothing was as huge a problem before Teddy showed up!
He flinched again and looked away. Steve knew how that felt.]
I've felt the same way Billy. I realized I've been cutting everyone off, out. Not reaching for people like I was but missing what I used to have. Maybe it's my fault you're going through all this. Maybe it's something from the island. I don't know, but this isn't good for either of us. Please. Billy . . .
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 10:02 pm (UTC)[He pushes a hand through his hair, tries to will down the frustration.]
None of this is your fault. I'm just... safer on my own. Safer for other people.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 10:40 pm (UTC)[Steve wasn't much better. He wanted to have his hands on Billy, to be able to offer at least physical comfort. For them both. Not that it would help . . .]
Billy. I'm so sorry . . .
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 10:59 pm (UTC)[And he wishes that wasn't the case, but he doesn't know how to change it either. He lets out a short, shaky sigh.]
It's okay. If you really want to help me, why don't you come over? We haven't fucked in a while and I want to not think for a while.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 11:15 pm (UTC)[There was so much hope in his eyes when he looked at the camera it was probably painful. Why would it mean so much? Steve just didn't know, but it did and would. He'd been essentially celibate since James left, but he missed it. Missed being close, holding someone, feeling loved.]
Can I Billy? Please?
no subject
Date: 2020-09-21 11:27 pm (UTC)[And it's not enough apparently. Or it's not right. Or-- whatever. He sighs, eyes drifting downward.]
You don't have to say please when I'm offering. I'll leave the door unlocked. Don't be soft about it... I'm not that breakable, and I want bruises tomorrow.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-30 03:20 am (UTC)[Rough too? It wouldn't be the first time. The things they'd done on the island made the hotel seem tame. He could be rough. Steve rather enjoyed rough when he could get it, but it wasn't often someone just came out and asked for it.]
I can give you bruises baby, if you want 'em. We can do whatever you want Billy. Anything. You're sure it's ok? Really sure?
[Because he didn't want to make any problems for anyone. It just seemed like a good idea to ask again.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-01 07:53 am (UTC)[He wanted this right now. He didn't want anything careful or easy.]
I'll be waiting, Steve.
on the way!
Date: 2020-10-03 09:48 am (UTC)[Steve didn't keep Billy waiting. He made it to the man's suite in record time and slipped in the door, glancing around. He was trying very very hard not to listen too closely, although he wasn't quite sure why.]
Billy? You in here?
Re: on the way!
Date: 2020-10-13 08:13 am (UTC)[Billy can't really stop himself from pacing back and forth a bit. His mind is going a little too fast to settle down, and honestly-- he's ready for a distraction.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-17 09:30 am (UTC)Steve stepped into the room and caught Billy's arm as he passed in pacing, his grip gentle.]
Billy. Talk to me baby. What do you need?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-27 09:35 pm (UTC)[He tilts his head back to meet Steve's eyes.]
Don't be careful, Steve.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-01 06:42 am (UTC)I need to know when it gets to be too much. Swear you'll stop me Billy. Swear it and I'll hurt you.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-11 08:10 pm (UTC)Alright, if I say-- Avengers or something, you'll know I mean it really does hurt. Okay?
[That isn't something he'd yell out in bed after all.]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-15 08:17 am (UTC)[Steve didn't let Billy pull away. In fact, he tightened his fingers a little more. He understood the point of safewords, but he wasn't very experienced with them. Mostly he wasn't violent with people, and when someone was with him, he trusted that person to stop before he was dead. That was sort of how far he was willing to go. But words like "stop" and "no" would always make him pause and check in anyway.
He pulled Billy's arm towards him, making the man step closer.]
Do I leave marks Billy? Do I break anything? Make you bleed?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-17 08:18 am (UTC)[He'll just want to make sure his magic is working enough to heal it, that's all... but as much as he wants pain right now? He might not oppose it.
For now, he lets himself get pulled in and flashes a grin, excitement bleeding into his expression.]
I trust you.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-22 10:02 am (UTC)[Steve moved fast, too fast for a normal man, and in a heartbeat he had Billy pinned to the nearest wall, and hand around the man's throat tight enough to making breathing just tiniest bit difficult. His other hand slid down Billy's chest, and lower as he leaned in, whispering in the man's ear.]
You know, I've had a lot of experience since the island. I think you'll be quite pleased.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-29 07:36 am (UTC)Yeah? So have I...
no subject
Date: 2020-12-06 04:24 am (UTC)[When Billy leaned into his hands, Steve obliged him. He tightened the fingers on the man's throat just a touch, and his other hand worked under Billy's shirt, fingers finding bare skin. His nails scraped against the man's belly lightly, teasing.]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 07:34 am (UTC)[He swallows, trying not to squirm as fingernails rake over his skin. It's hard to focus on talking when he's getting so much of what he wants already.]
Right now? I want you to do whatever you want, however you want it. I want you to fuck me until I can't think straight.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 06:54 am (UTC)Do you remember the island Billy? Being together there? I know I do. Shall I fill you up now like I did then? Until you can't possible hold any more?
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