[Steve cuddled the boy in close, stroking the boy's hair as he cried. He'd expected it and he was prepared to endure the ache it made in his heart. That Shion was so sad about the incident was just . . . He shouldn't have been forced to have those kinds of memories. It was so damned unfair what the hotel did to people!]
It's ok Shion. I'm sorry too. But it's ok. I'm here. I'm just fine.
It's not... [He shook his head, trembling in Steve's arms. He might be here, he might be physically alright, somehow. But that was because Steve was strong, because he healed and recovered quicker than most people. That didn't mean what had happened was alright.]
[He just held the boy. As long as Shion didn't try to run, Steve would keep hugging him. It soothed his worry to at least try and offer comfort. The boy was so traumatized, it was painfully obvious, and he hated that he couldn't do more. So Steve lied. It didn't matter to him what Shion had done. He didn't consider it a conscious act and he held no anger or hurt against his friend. None.]
Just a little. It didn't go in very far, I promise. Barely broke the skin. And it wasn't you Shion. None of us were ourselves. I . . . I did bad things too. Things I regret. But I'm ok, really. You didn't hurt me, I promise. You really don't have any reason to feel bad.
I know what a knife wound looks like Steve. [There's bitterness in his words. He's knows enough of medicine and wounds to know that he had done far more than broke the skin. He had damaged Steve. That Steve was walking around now was because he could heal quicker than most. If that had been someone else... If that had been one of his friends who couldn't heal. James, or Tim or Natasha.
He could have killed them. He had every reason to feel bad, even if he had not been in control. Other people had consumed the blood too, James had, Setsuna had and neither of them had hurt him. Even with all of that, they had tried to protect him.
[He winced and fell silent, just holding Shion. When he spoke again, Steve's voice was soft and apologetic.]
I'm sorry Shion. I . . . guess I like to think I'm protecting you by lying. But you live here too. You've seen just as much pain and devastation as I have. You don't deserve to be coddled. You deserve to be treated like the experienced soldier you are. I'm sorry.
I'm not a solider. [He's not strong enough to be a soldier. He's weak, he hurt his friends. But he didn't want to be coddled. He didn't deserve to be protected from the truth. He had done a terrible thing and the fact that Steve was here, holding him was because Steve was such a forgiving person.
Shion wouldn't have blamed him if he had never spoken to Shion again.]
Yes you are. You've lived through wars here, fought and bled for your fellow residents. That makes you just as good as a soldier in my book. The truth is that anyone willing to fight for someone else is a soldier and hero, and you're definitely both.
[He meant every word. Shion might be hesitant and meek by nature, but he stood up for those he loved, and that was what mattered. Steve loosened his hold on the boy and smiled down at him.]
I do if you want me to come in. Is that alright with you Shion? I can go if it's easier. I promise I won't be mad.
[He can't believe that. He's not strong, he's not brave. He wants to protect his friends but he never can. All he does is hurt them or be helpless whilst they are hurt.
He moves out the way so that Steve could enter the house properly, he would never send him away.]
I want you too. [He shrugs.] I only survived last night because James tied me up and left me in a cupboard out of the way. [That is not very soldier like at all.]
[Steve tried, and failed, to suppress a fond smile. It didn't surprise him the man had insisted Shion stay safe, but tying him up was a little much. Then again, once James claimed you, he didn't play around with safety. It was sweet, in a James way. He followed Shion into the house, looking around. It wasn't often he spent much time there.]
Please tell me you didn't spend days in an actual cupboard? I'll have to talk to him about better bindings if you did.
No. Just a few hours I think... [The whole night is a blur even without the extra information from Lucifer and the migraines that had come in the time after.
Oh Shion! We'll work on teaching you how to get out of bindings soon. You should have been able to get out within about twenty minutes or so. It's not safe to have you incapacitated for so long.
[Steve followed him and reached out to ruffle Shion's hair, a soft look on his face.]
I know. He loves you just like I do. James would do anything for the people that matter. He still should have made sure you could get out on your own though. Being trapped is just as big a danger. But we'll work on that. You're ok otherwise?
[He's not sure he'd have ever gotten out of the bindings if he hadn't been released. Learning how to was probably smart, after all next time it might not be James who ties him up.
Steve hadn't said whether he wanted a drink but Shion started making coffee nonetheless, everyone in the house drank it so it wouldn't go to waste.
He's very lucky to have people like James, people like Steve.]
[Steve pulled the boy into another hug while the coffee perked, since he was allowed unlimited hugs. Besides, it made him feel better. He stroked his hand through Shion's hair slowly, soothingly.]
Good. And I meant what I said Shion. We all did things we shouldn't have that night. And it hurts to know we might have hurt other people, or ourselves. But you weren't yourself love. You didn't hurt me because you wanted to hurt me. I just happened to get in the way. Please Shion. Please try not to blame yourself so much?
[He leans into the hug, letting the touch ground him, the hand in his hair remind him that Steve isn't mad at him. No one is mad at him except himself.
He nodded sadly. He was trying to not blame himself, he didn't blame anyone else for their lack of control.]
I know. I just... [He shook his head.] I'm just glad you are alright.
[Having Shion lean into him helped Steve feel better too. There was a very real reason he hugged people. A lot. Physical touch didn't solve every problem, but it sure made things easier in general.]
I'm glad you are too. And I don't expect you to get over things with just a few words. It was traumatic Shion. You weren't in control of yourself which makes everything worse, because you blame yourself twice over. Once for not fighting the blood, and again for actually doing the things it told you to do.
[Steve knew. He understood. And he felt exactly the same. He'd let himself become a victim, and then victimized others. It was just easier to be strong for someone else than to stand around and think about it himself. Besides, he didn't want Shion to suffer. The kid was completely innocent.]
[He nodded, it was just like Steve said. He hadn't been strong enough to fight the effects of the blood and then he had hurt almost everyone he knew.
He was lucky that none of them had blamed him for it. He leaned into Steve, not ready to let go just yet.]
Were you... Were you alright? Not just from me I mean... [Shion had hurt him badly but it had mostly been bad luck on Steve's part, not expecting violence from Shion. Others in that room had been a lot stronger, a lot more capable of fighting.]
[Steve stroked Shion's hair, happy to keep the boy close as long as he allowed. It felt good to have him close. He couldn't think of anything that would help him feel better at the moment than to help Shion feel a little less guilty and comforted.]
I did things I regret with and to other people, and I was injured plenty more than a little stab. But I'm alright. I'm used to living with guilt and at least I didn't damage anyone else irreparably. There's always that, thank god. I was . . . I was really dangerous.
[Steve was a menace and a monster when he gave in to the blood. And he'd reveled in it. He was ashamed of that, but there would always be a part of him that remembered his actions with fondness. He hated that part of him.]
[Well, not on purpose. Steve didn't usually want to hurt anyone, but he was kind of good at it in several cases. He tried not to remember that. Steve petted Shion's hair, the motion soothing something deep inside. Comforting someone was just . . . lovely. Being the one to look after people was one of his deepest seated needs.]
I like to think so. I didn't want to hurt them either.
[He wishes he could say the same. But he had hurt Steve and he can't promise it won't happen again, not when so much of what happens here is completely out of their control.]
I'm sure they know that. [Steve was always so kind, Shion can't imagine anyone not knowing that.]
[He just gave a faint nod. Maybe some of the people he'd hurt knew he didn't mean it. Hopefully. Steve always felt he'd owe more apologies. Always. He sighed softly and reluctantly let Shion go.]
[Steve moved to the table and sat down, watching Shion with a faint smile. It bothered him that the boy still blamed himself, but he could absolutely understand the impulse. He lived it every day. Still, maybe Shion would forgive himself one day, and until that happened, Steve would be there to keep confirming how much the kid meant to him.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-04-05 02:50 am (UTC)[Steve cuddled the boy in close, stroking the boy's hair as he cried. He'd expected it and he was prepared to endure the ache it made in his heart. That Shion was so sad about the incident was just . . . He shouldn't have been forced to have those kinds of memories. It was so damned unfair what the hotel did to people!]
It's ok Shion. I'm sorry too. But it's ok. I'm here. I'm just fine.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-05 09:36 am (UTC)I stabbed you.
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Date: 2021-04-10 02:19 am (UTC)Just a little. It didn't go in very far, I promise. Barely broke the skin. And it wasn't you Shion. None of us were ourselves. I . . . I did bad things too. Things I regret. But I'm ok, really. You didn't hurt me, I promise. You really don't have any reason to feel bad.
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Date: 2021-04-10 09:16 am (UTC)He could have killed them. He had every reason to feel bad, even if he had not been in control. Other people had consumed the blood too, James had, Setsuna had and neither of them had hurt him. Even with all of that, they had tried to protect him.
Because they were strong.]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-12 03:03 am (UTC)I'm sorry Shion. I . . . guess I like to think I'm protecting you by lying. But you live here too. You've seen just as much pain and devastation as I have. You don't deserve to be coddled. You deserve to be treated like the experienced soldier you are. I'm sorry.
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Date: 2021-04-13 03:40 am (UTC)Shion wouldn't have blamed him if he had never spoken to Shion again.]
Do.... Do you want to come in?
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Date: 2021-04-14 02:26 am (UTC)[He meant every word. Shion might be hesitant and meek by nature, but he stood up for those he loved, and that was what mattered. Steve loosened his hold on the boy and smiled down at him.]
I do if you want me to come in. Is that alright with you Shion? I can go if it's easier. I promise I won't be mad.
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Date: 2021-04-14 04:28 am (UTC)He moves out the way so that Steve could enter the house properly, he would never send him away.]
I want you too. [He shrugs.] I only survived last night because James tied me up and left me in a cupboard out of the way. [That is not very soldier like at all.]
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Date: 2021-04-16 02:10 am (UTC)[Steve tried, and failed, to suppress a fond smile. It didn't surprise him the man had insisted Shion stay safe, but tying him up was a little much. Then again, once James claimed you, he didn't play around with safety. It was sweet, in a James way. He followed Shion into the house, looking around. It wasn't often he spent much time there.]
Please tell me you didn't spend days in an actual cupboard? I'll have to talk to him about better bindings if you did.
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Date: 2021-04-17 04:14 pm (UTC)He led Steve to the kitchen.]
He did it to protect me. Would you like a drink?
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Date: 2021-04-20 03:32 am (UTC)[Steve followed him and reached out to ruffle Shion's hair, a soft look on his face.]
I know. He loves you just like I do. James would do anything for the people that matter. He still should have made sure you could get out on your own though. Being trapped is just as big a danger. But we'll work on that. You're ok otherwise?
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 04:28 am (UTC)Steve hadn't said whether he wanted a drink but Shion started making coffee nonetheless, everyone in the house drank it so it wouldn't go to waste.
He's very lucky to have people like James, people like Steve.]
Yeah. I've just been very tired.
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Date: 2021-04-20 10:03 pm (UTC)Good. And I meant what I said Shion. We all did things we shouldn't have that night. And it hurts to know we might have hurt other people, or ourselves. But you weren't yourself love. You didn't hurt me because you wanted to hurt me. I just happened to get in the way. Please Shion. Please try not to blame yourself so much?
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Date: 2021-04-21 04:37 am (UTC)He nodded sadly. He was trying to not blame himself, he didn't blame anyone else for their lack of control.]
I know. I just... [He shook his head.] I'm just glad you are alright.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-22 03:02 am (UTC)I'm glad you are too. And I don't expect you to get over things with just a few words. It was traumatic Shion. You weren't in control of yourself which makes everything worse, because you blame yourself twice over. Once for not fighting the blood, and again for actually doing the things it told you to do.
[Steve knew. He understood. And he felt exactly the same. He'd let himself become a victim, and then victimized others. It was just easier to be strong for someone else than to stand around and think about it himself. Besides, he didn't want Shion to suffer. The kid was completely innocent.]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-23 08:13 pm (UTC)He was lucky that none of them had blamed him for it. He leaned into Steve, not ready to let go just yet.]
Were you... Were you alright? Not just from me I mean... [Shion had hurt him badly but it had mostly been bad luck on Steve's part, not expecting violence from Shion. Others in that room had been a lot stronger, a lot more capable of fighting.]
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Date: 2021-04-24 01:35 am (UTC)I did things I regret with and to other people, and I was injured plenty more than a little stab. But I'm alright. I'm used to living with guilt and at least I didn't damage anyone else irreparably. There's always that, thank god. I was . . . I was really dangerous.
[Steve was a menace and a monster when he gave in to the blood. And he'd reveled in it. He was ashamed of that, but there would always be a part of him that remembered his actions with fondness. He hated that part of him.]
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Date: 2021-04-24 07:58 am (UTC)[No one could really blame anyone but Barbas for what had happened in that room. Even if that didn't stop the guilt.
He just hugged him tighter, trying to give as much comfort as he could.]
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Date: 2021-04-25 06:31 am (UTC)[Well, not on purpose. Steve didn't usually want to hurt anyone, but he was kind of good at it in several cases. He tried not to remember that. Steve petted Shion's hair, the motion soothing something deep inside. Comforting someone was just . . . lovely. Being the one to look after people was one of his deepest seated needs.]
I like to think so. I didn't want to hurt them either.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-25 11:29 am (UTC)I'm sure they know that. [Steve was always so kind, Shion can't imagine anyone not knowing that.]
Do you want coffee? [It's ready.]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-25 07:22 pm (UTC)Yeah, I'd like some coffee, thanks. Smells good.
wrap?
Date: 2021-04-27 06:38 pm (UTC)Coffee might be a small way to make things up to Steve, but it was a start.]
yup!
Date: 2021-05-02 04:26 am (UTC)