Setsuna shifts his weight next to Steve, then tries to curl up close to him as his stomach starts to churn. He's uncomfortable, until Steve apologizes outright for Kurai's disappearance.
Eyes big and confused, he looks up at Steve and shakes his head.
"I'm not really sad about that, though. I'd much rather Kurai not be here, at all. I'll see her again when I get out," Setsuna points out, still convinced it would happen one day.
Steve slid his arm around Setsuna's shoulders, cuddling the boy against his side when him inched closer. He met Setsuna's eyes with a faint smile, "I'm not exactly happy to hear you've been having such a terrible time in your suite, but I'm not exactly angry at you Setsuna. I just wish you felt you could trust me with the truth sooner. I would have helped you find another place to stay even if it wasn't here with me kiddo. Were you just scared I'd yell or something? Why did you leave it so long?"
Setsuna eased a little at the physical affection, and Steve's words, eating all of it up as he relaxed.
"Sorry.... Just, I didn't know you that well, at first," Setsuna said. Even if it was an excuse, it was the truth. "And then I didn't say anything because I didn't want to worry you. I thought I could handle it on my own."
He swallowed after, and his eyes trailed to the side as he added, "The longer it went on, and I didn't say anything, then I was scared you were gonna yell at me."
He sighed and hugged the kid tighter, "You know, I wanna say I wouldn't have gotten upset, but I probably would have. The idea of you in danger makes he worry Setsuna, how could it not? I just wish I hadn't scared you into being quiet." Steve rested his cheek on Setsuna's hair.
"You know, even if I yell sometimes, I'll never love you any less. And I'd never hurt you kiddo. I want to help you. I want you to be safe and happy always. A little cheesy I guess, but it's still what I wish I could help you find."
"It's not your fault.... I just thought I could handle things on my own," Setsuna tried to assure Steve, though he was worried his comfort wouldn't reach him. Steve always seemed hellbent on taking responsibility.
Eyes downcast, with a sigh, Setsuna added, "And I definitely didn't want you to worry."
As for everything else, cheesy, maybe, but the comfort of someone so close, caring so much, Setsuna latched onto it, desperate for the love that Steve offered him.
"It's okay if you yell," Setsuna said, eyes looking up, sincere. "I deserve it sometimes. Getting scolded, or smacked. It's really okay."
"Yelling sometimes, but no hitting. I'm not gonna backhand you for being a kid. Or for being yourself in general. We're both pretty prone to acting before thinking, and to risking our necks whether we really need to or not. That doesn't mean you should get smacked." Of course, he had actually spanked Setsuna once . . . But that had been a knee-jerk reaction, not a thought-out response! And it was wrong. Setsuna was way too old to spank!
"I am proud of you Setsuna. You kept yourself in one piece, and I know you've been helping other people too. All when you were dealing with this stuff and keeping it a secret. I don't approve of the keeping secrets part, but you did good kiddo. Keeping yourself alive is a pretty impressive feat." One he wished the kid didn't have to be an expert at.
"Steve...." Setsuna breathed in, heavily to that. It was harder than he thought it would be to admit, "It's the only thing I listen to, sometimes. So if you have to hit me, it really is okay." He reached out to place a hand on Steve's shoulder, trying to drive home the point with both comfort and his nearly golden eyes peering into Steve's blue ones.
He meant every bit of it, despite his own frustration. He'd rather Steve hit him than stay angry at him, or be stressed out because of anything he did.
As for the spanking, truly, Setsuna had barely registered the act at the time, and while he felt embarrassed because of his age, he felt he had more than earned it. Scaring Steve as he had, he didn't mind the act if it meant Steve wasn't freaking out. And if that was the only way Steve could express himself? Setsuna could never hold it against him, and would prefer it to getting whipped, any time.
All of that means everything when Steve actually praises him. Setsuna's cheeks warmed and colored over with red at the words.
"Proud of me...?" He couldn't verbalize much else, stunned.
"Setsuna . . ." He could understand, oddly enough. Steve understood almost all of Setsuna's little quirks, even if he didn't approve of them. People got fucked up, people developed weird coping mechanisms. And worst of all, children were sometimes conditioned to be fucked up by those that were meant to protect them.
Steve leaned in and rested his forehead against Setsuna's, one hand cupping the back of the kid's head gently, "I can't make any promises kiddo, but I'll remember what you said. Beating on you, for any reason, just seems so wrong. You're my baby brother Setsuna. The idea of hurting you, for any reason, won't ever be my first choice. But I'll remember. If it ever becomes necessary, I'll remember."
He sat back and smiled at the kid, "Yeah. I'm proud as hell of you Setsuna. All the time."
There were only three people Setsuna had felt regularly protected by before coming to Hell. Of course, none of them were there. As far as he was concerned, they had done their best. His parents, on the other hand, were a part of his life he tried not to waste much time dwelling on.
Forehead touching Steve's, Setsuna managed a little smile, even he looked down in the middle of their conversation.
"Don't do anything that feels wrong, to you," Setsuna wasted no time in suggesting, not wanting Steve doing anything that would devastate him. "I'm just saying, if it happens, you don't need to feel bad about it. I don't want you beating yourself up like last time."
He can't quite say much to hearing Steve's proud of him, so he just blushed and looked down again, instead.
"I won't Setsuna. But I'll remember what you said. Sometimes I find it easier to communicate with a fist myself, but I know that's not the correct way normal people interact. Doesn't change the way I feel about it though." He stroked Setsuna's hair, "I really do get it kid. We'll figure out what works for both of us eventually, and in the mean time, we'll try not to hurt each other too much, hmm?"
Steve just hugged the kid again, glad they were both safe and unharmed for once.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-01-20 10:15 pm (UTC)Eyes big and confused, he looks up at Steve and shakes his head.
"I'm not really sad about that, though. I'd much rather Kurai not be here, at all. I'll see her again when I get out," Setsuna points out, still convinced it would happen one day.
"...I was more afraid I upset you."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-20 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-01-21 02:01 am (UTC)"Sorry.... Just, I didn't know you that well, at first," Setsuna said. Even if it was an excuse, it was the truth. "And then I didn't say anything because I didn't want to worry you. I thought I could handle it on my own."
He swallowed after, and his eyes trailed to the side as he added, "The longer it went on, and I didn't say anything, then I was scared you were gonna yell at me."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-27 07:21 am (UTC)"You know, even if I yell sometimes, I'll never love you any less. And I'd never hurt you kiddo. I want to help you. I want you to be safe and happy always. A little cheesy I guess, but it's still what I wish I could help you find."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-31 03:31 am (UTC)Eyes downcast, with a sigh, Setsuna added, "And I definitely didn't want you to worry."
As for everything else, cheesy, maybe, but the comfort of someone so close, caring so much, Setsuna latched onto it, desperate for the love that Steve offered him.
"It's okay if you yell," Setsuna said, eyes looking up, sincere. "I deserve it sometimes. Getting scolded, or smacked. It's really okay."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-20 08:44 am (UTC)"I am proud of you Setsuna. You kept yourself in one piece, and I know you've been helping other people too. All when you were dealing with this stuff and keeping it a secret. I don't approve of the keeping secrets part, but you did good kiddo. Keeping yourself alive is a pretty impressive feat." One he wished the kid didn't have to be an expert at.
cw: very confused outlook on abuse and seeing it as necessary
Date: 2020-02-23 11:35 pm (UTC)He meant every bit of it, despite his own frustration. He'd rather Steve hit him than stay angry at him, or be stressed out because of anything he did.
As for the spanking, truly, Setsuna had barely registered the act at the time, and while he felt embarrassed because of his age, he felt he had more than earned it. Scaring Steve as he had, he didn't mind the act if it meant Steve wasn't freaking out. And if that was the only way Steve could express himself? Setsuna could never hold it against him, and would prefer it to getting whipped, any time.
All of that means everything when Steve actually praises him. Setsuna's cheeks warmed and colored over with red at the words.
"Proud of me...?" He couldn't verbalize much else, stunned.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-06 03:42 am (UTC)Steve leaned in and rested his forehead against Setsuna's, one hand cupping the back of the kid's head gently, "I can't make any promises kiddo, but I'll remember what you said. Beating on you, for any reason, just seems so wrong. You're my baby brother Setsuna. The idea of hurting you, for any reason, won't ever be my first choice. But I'll remember. If it ever becomes necessary, I'll remember."
He sat back and smiled at the kid, "Yeah. I'm proud as hell of you Setsuna. All the time."
Want to wrap this one up?
Date: 2020-03-07 04:18 pm (UTC)Forehead touching Steve's, Setsuna managed a little smile, even he looked down in the middle of their conversation.
"Don't do anything that feels wrong, to you," Setsuna wasted no time in suggesting, not wanting Steve doing anything that would devastate him. "I'm just saying, if it happens, you don't need to feel bad about it. I don't want you beating yourself up like last time."
He can't quite say much to hearing Steve's proud of him, so he just blushed and looked down again, instead.
sure!
Date: 2020-03-10 12:04 am (UTC)Steve just hugged the kid again, glad they were both safe and unharmed for once.