compelledtoprotect | Penance Inbox

[ This is... exactly the second time in his life that Bum has ever gotten a gift. To say he's ecstatic would be an understatement. The joy quickly gives way to worry, however, as he realizes that he doesn't really have anything for Steve. Sure, there were some gift shops and oddity merchants around, but that did not feel nowhere near as personal as Steve's gift for him, so clearly it would not be good enough. ]

[ In the end, he decides that making him food might be an acceptable option. Steve had baked him cookies (which may have been partially burned, but he would still eat all of them while crying with joy, so that did not matter), so he should... be recipient to something like that, right? Not to mention it was a good time to revive their Friday dinner tradition that had sort of gotten shafted after... the incident when they stopped talking to each other for a while. ]

[ Finally, there's probably some surprise in it, too; Bum still hasn't corrected Steve's usage of his last name instead of his first, after all, so he also probably did not find the chance to let him know he's actually a pretty decent cook, either. ]

[ Then it's just deciding what to make. He's not really good with sweets, and he wants to get this right, and then something from home seems like it might be good for that added personal touch. He settles for jjigae, quietly praying that Steve doesn't turn out to hate it. If Steve has ever mentioned or alluded to what foods he likes best, the stew's base will be exactly that - whether it's fish or beef or eggs or whatever else. ]

[ And so, around the holidays, on the next or even the same day that Steve had sent him his own gift -- there will be a knock on his door. ]

[ And behind it, there's Bum with a steaming pot of stew, as usually looking like he could disappear right through the ground in embarrassment. He is, of course, wearing one of those new shirts that Steve had gotten him, a nice, crisp-looking button-up that actually lays nice on him, being correct size instead of several numbers over. Might even be in color. ]

[ As soon as the door opens, he's holding the food out and bowing his head, clearly this effort was enough to make him tense but he just needs some affirmation to calm down. ]

I-I'm sorry, I really wanted to get you-- something special in return, but I-- couldn't think of anything, so...

[ He suddenly realizes that he's essentially offering his company as a gift here, which is an absolutely arrogant thing to do, actually, and blushes a little in shame. Please help. ]

[He smelled the food before he knew who was bringing it. Steve was standing at the door, sniffling the scents creeping past the edges. It smelled amazing! And under the food was . . . Yoon? Yes, Yoon. He waited for the knock, since he assumed just yanking the door open would probably scare the kid, and then slowly opened the door. Holding himself back he smiled at the boy, reaching out to help support that heavy pot.]

Yoon, I couldn't get a better gift. You made me food! I can't believe you cooked for me! And it smells amazing!

[ It's probably a good thing that he waits, as Bum might have just dropped the whole thing in surprise if the door flew open in his face before he had the chance to let himself be known. ]

[ He finally looks up when the reception seems... positive, a smile starting off cautious then spreading wider across his face. He's still holding it out, allowing Steve to take the dish, and then it's up to him if he wants to invite Bum along or not. ]

It's, um, it's something from home-- I wanted you to try it...

[ Steve did ask him about that a long time ago, and he'd mostly avoided an actual answer, partly because he really didn't have a favorite meal that he could single out. But now that he could just pick something common that he knew how to make, well, it felt like a nice way to let the man in a little closer, somehow. ]

[Steve beamed at him and stepped back, clearing the doorway as he held the pot.]

I already love it because you made it for me Yoon. Come on in. We'll share it. Do you eat with anything else? It looks like a stew and we usually have some kind of bread with stews, so we can get all the soupy parts. I happen to have a nice loaf we could use.

[As he spoke, Steve walked inside and got the pot set down, then set the table and got them both some water. He'd been stockpiling some things in his room so it felt a little more like home. If he couldn't feed people, he just didn't feel like himself!]

[ Oh. Oh! He's invited after all! He quickly steps in and takes his shoes off, before closing the door as Steve's hands are full. ]

Um, rice, usually... Or-- vegetables. [ Which, he probably could have tried to find something similar in Hell cuisine now that he thought about it, but there hadn't been much time, and he knew he didn't have enough hands to carry more than one dish, and anyway, who didn't have rice available at all times, right? Well, Steve, it seems. Ahem. He quickly adds an encouragement, ] But-- I'm sure whatever you have is fine...

[ Carefully, as if still not sure he's understood the invitation correctly, he makes his way after Steve and gingerly takes a seat at the table, watching him. ]

[Steve was slicing up the bread and paused, chewing his lip.]

I could go look for some rice, but I'm not sure how long it would take. I don't want your stew to get cold. Would the bread be ok? It's a little like rice.

Yeah, this -- place is a bit weird about food...

[ Not much to do there. He would have gotten some himself if he'd found some. He shrugs lightly, faint smile still on his face. It might not be a completely authentic meal, but then, it's not like he wasn't already winging it with most ingredients anyway. What matters is that they enjoy their time together -- ]

Bread is fine-- Please don't worry about it!..

[Steve gave the boy a grateful look and brought over the bread, settling down as well.]

I'll remember for next time. When we get back to the hotel, I'll make sure to keep rice on hand. Back home we usually have bread with stuff like stew. It soaks up the soup really well.

[He started to reach for the ladle to dish up the food and paused.]

Did you wanna serve?

[ So would rice, he thinks, but doesn't say anything. The only thing that matters is that he and Steve get to spend some quality time together, and that he makes the other man happy, at least for a little bit. He'd agree with anything to that end anyway. ]

Um, sure, of course...

[ It's not all that important to him who pours the food, but he supposes it's nice when he gets affirmation that he's capable of some things. Which probably means he's getting a little more anxious about it than is really reasonable, but luckily, he does successfully fill two bowls quickly enough, and pushes one toward Steve with a bright smile. ]

I-I hope you like it.

[Steve took the bowl with a beaming smile and pushed the plate of bread toward the middle of the table, where they could both reach it. He leaned over his bowl and drew in the scent, a long, slow breath. It smelled divine!]

I don't think it's possible to dislike something that smells so amazing. Thank you Yoon. This means so much to me.

[He looked up with a soft smile.]

[ It's also probably hella spicy to anyone who's not used to such foods, but it doesn't really occur to Bum to mention it. At least Steve's reaction seems to be a good one, so he already looks a little more confident when he pulls his own bowl closer. ]

I'm glad... [ He fiddles with the utensils for a moment before glancing up briefly. ] You mean so much to me...

[ He finally seems to have reached his embarrassment quota and quickly looks down into his lap before he starts eating without another word. ]

[He would have said something else nice, but Steve was a little busy sucking in air against the amount of heat on his tongue. That was spicy! But still tasty! He drained his glass of water a few times before he managed words again. Steve's eyes were watering a little and his voice was a bit hoarse, but he was smiling.]

You mean a lot to me too Yoon. That is spicy! But it's so good!

[ For him, it's just how warm food is supposed to taste, so at first he's a little confused -- why is Steve crying? -- before he sort of explains it, and of course, Bum immediately looks worried. ]

Oh-- Are you okay?

[ At... at least it sounds like he still likes it? ]

[Steve laughed and continued to eat, though he was quickly emptying the pitcher.]

I love it! And I'm fine! Just not used to so much spice in every spoonful. Do you always have it with this much heat?

I'm glad... [ He does keep half an eye on that pitcher, but since it seems that Steve is mostly fine, he'll leave that be for now. He blinks twice at the question. ] Um-- yeah, it's the usual... My grandmother always made it like this, too.

[ And he probably learned from helping her, because his uncle had definitely never touched anything in the kitchen. Women's work, something something. Bum was just happy to be useful, though he wonders how much of an aid he really was, at least at the start. ]

[Steve emptied his bowl and sat back with flushed cheeks and a satisfied smile, draining his last glass of water until he refilled the pitcher.]

Clearly I'm not used to your grandma's cooking, but I wouldn't mind having a lot more. We should definitely make it a thing to teach me how to cook your way too. I have a feeling it'd be really fun!

[ He smiles, beams almost, clearly happy with the positive reaction he's getting. The suggestion makes him perk up a little, too. ]

Oh! I think so too! [ He looks down at his plate for a moment before glancing at Steve again, just a hint bashful about something he hasn't voiced yet. ] I, um... I would like to spend more time with you...

[ Friday dinners were nice and all, but it was so little! And Steve did offer to teach him some self defense a while ago too, which honestly could be a pretty good excuse to see him even more, not that he's bringing it up right now. ]

Yeah? It's settled then. We'll do cooking at least once a week, on top of the usual meals. That sound good?

[Steve almost never turned someone down who wanted his company. It made him happy to spend time with friends anyway, and it was such a small ask from someone to have some of his time. It seemed the very least he could do.]

[ He nods enthusiastically, even if he hopes not all of their time together has to revolve around food. Should he say something? Should he wait for another time? He doesn't want to ask for too many favors all at once. So maybe it's best to wait. ]

[ Still, there's no harm in chatting about other things. ]

[ Soon he finishes his food, then glances at Steve. He's both bubbling over with the need to talk to him, and scared that he'll say something wrong and ruin things again. Besides, why would Steve even want to hear anything? But they were friends, right?.. ]

[ Another glance, quickly averted back to his empty plate. He might be a little flustered. ]

So... um... what have you been up to?..

[ During the time they haven't seen each other, he means. ]

[He was eating a lot slower, but Steve was still working on getting that large bowl emptied. There would still be leftovers, but he didn't want Yoon to think he disliked the meal! And he really did sort of like the heat burning his whole head at the moment.]

You mean around here? Oh ah. Well. You know . . .

[Sex? More sex? Fighting things, suffering? What should he say to the kid?]

Keeping to myself, if I'm being honest. I haven't been the best at treating any of my friends as if they matter as much as they do to me, especially you Yoon. I'm so sorry about that. I've been pretty terrible to everyone by not making an effort. I really have no excuse.

[ He would probably think that, so he'd better finish up! ]

[ It might be a good thing that he doesn't mention the sex, or the suffering for that matter. Bum would probably feel jealous, or concerned, or both. Luckily he had been fairly preoccupied lately, which meant that he wasn't actually stalking the man, so for now he wouldn't know anything he didn't tell him... best not to get used to that, of course. ]

Oh. [ He's not sure what he expected, and he's not sure how he feels about it. On one hand, being treated the same as everyone else wasn't all that nice... but then again, when the alternative was being treated worse... okay, he's fine with this. He thinks. He forces a little smile. ] W-well, we have all the time to make up for it, right?..

[ He doesn't want to guilt-trip the man, but at the same time, the constant apologies are... nice. He's never had anyone feel so bad after mistreating him before. It almost makes him want to push a little, see if he can get any more of this attention... ]

[ What was wrong with him? ]

[Steve wiped at his tearing eyes again and smiled at Yoon, reaching out to catch the boy's hand with damp fingers.]

We do. And I'll be better, I promise. You can stop by anytime too you know. I don't mind random visits.

Y-yeah. I know that. [ Bum's mumble sounds a little apologetic, even though there's no real reason for him to be. ] I was just--

[ Scared is the first word he wants to use. That night at the club really did terrify him, once he gathered his bearings enough to think it over rationally and without being guided by... hormones, or whatever. Not what happened between them, not really, but how nonchalant Steve had acted about it. That was the scary part. And even if he knew it was all Hell's doing, some part of him still wondered. Worried. ]

[ But the last thing he wants to do is make Steve feel like some kind of monster. Not when the other man already feels so terrible and guilty. Not just because he succumbed to Hell's traps that one unfortunate time, while others were being affected on the regular despite their best wishes. No, he can't hold it against him, and he absolutely can't let him think he does. ]

--confused.

[ It seems like a better choice, and it's still true enough to be genuine. Because he was quite torn between trying to figure out what exactly their relationship was and what he wanted it to be. He's still not quite sure, to be honest. Being friends is nice. Very nice. But then, every now and then, he definitely spends some time fantasizing about his friend without all of those clothes in the way and he's both terrified and intrigued by his own thoughts. ]

I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to make you feel that way. Can you tell me what it is you want? That's a good way to start, right?

[He'd finally eaten all he could and pushed his bowl aside, devoting all his attention to Yoon. The last thing he wanted to do was say what he wanted because he had a feeling that Yoon would just agree with anything he said, and that wouldn't help the boy feel secure and heard.]

I'm-- I don't know, I--

[ He fidgets. Folding and unfolding his arms, plucking at the rim of his shirt, shifting in his chair. It's true that he doesn't know what to say, but is that really an answer? Maybe if he just -- lays it all out on the table, the other man would understand?.. He sighs, glancing up at Steve and then at the table in front of him again. ]

I-I really like you. And I really like being friends. A-and I'm afraid I'll mess up what we have... but... [ His cheeks are turning red. ] But I also... want you...

[ His arms are folded again, pressed up so hard against him his knuckles are almost white. He's so scared, or maybe embarrassed, or maybe both, but he's still talking, still trying to make his heart known. ]

I want to be able to-- touch you w-without worrying what's "appropriate"... [ He finally looks up again, searching Steve's face. His expression is so worried, so fragile, a single rejection could probably shatter him. ] But I also don't-- I don't want you to pity me, or-- or feel like you need to do something you... don't want.

[ He takes a deep breath. ]

You said, before, that there's-- many people you love... I-I thought about it, and I'm-- okay with that...

[ Mostly because he's realized he's much in the same boat here, but it might take him a moment to admit it. He still thinks, for some reason, that Steve would not be okay with it. ]

dated sometime around the holidays!

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this is what you get for being nice to him Steve,