compelledtoprotect | Penance Inbox

[He's not sure he'd have ever gotten out of the bindings if he hadn't been released. Learning how to was probably smart, after all next time it might not be James who ties him up.

Steve hadn't said whether he wanted a drink but Shion started making coffee nonetheless, everyone in the house drank it so it wouldn't go to waste.

He's very lucky to have people like James, people like Steve.]

Yeah. I've just been very tired.

[Steve pulled the boy into another hug while the coffee perked, since he was allowed unlimited hugs. Besides, it made him feel better. He stroked his hand through Shion's hair slowly, soothingly.]

Good. And I meant what I said Shion. We all did things we shouldn't have that night. And it hurts to know we might have hurt other people, or ourselves. But you weren't yourself love. You didn't hurt me because you wanted to hurt me. I just happened to get in the way. Please Shion. Please try not to blame yourself so much?

[He leans into the hug, letting the touch ground him, the hand in his hair remind him that Steve isn't mad at him. No one is mad at him except himself.

He nodded sadly. He was trying to not blame himself, he didn't blame anyone else for their lack of control.]

I know. I just... [He shook his head.] I'm just glad you are alright.

[Having Shion lean into him helped Steve feel better too. There was a very real reason he hugged people. A lot. Physical touch didn't solve every problem, but it sure made things easier in general.]

I'm glad you are too. And I don't expect you to get over things with just a few words. It was traumatic Shion. You weren't in control of yourself which makes everything worse, because you blame yourself twice over. Once for not fighting the blood, and again for actually doing the things it told you to do.

[Steve knew. He understood. And he felt exactly the same. He'd let himself become a victim, and then victimized others. It was just easier to be strong for someone else than to stand around and think about it himself. Besides, he didn't want Shion to suffer. The kid was completely innocent.]

[He nodded, it was just like Steve said. He hadn't been strong enough to fight the effects of the blood and then he had hurt almost everyone he knew.

He was lucky that none of them had blamed him for it. He leaned into Steve, not ready to let go just yet.]

Were you... Were you alright? Not just from me I mean... [Shion had hurt him badly but it had mostly been bad luck on Steve's part, not expecting violence from Shion. Others in that room had been a lot stronger, a lot more capable of fighting.]

[Steve stroked Shion's hair, happy to keep the boy close as long as he allowed. It felt good to have him close. He couldn't think of anything that would help him feel better at the moment than to help Shion feel a little less guilty and comforted.]

I did things I regret with and to other people, and I was injured plenty more than a little stab. But I'm alright. I'm used to living with guilt and at least I didn't damage anyone else irreparably. There's always that, thank god. I was . . . I was really dangerous.

[Steve was a menace and a monster when he gave in to the blood. And he'd reveled in it. He was ashamed of that, but there would always be a part of him that remembered his actions with fondness. He hated that part of him.]

You didn't hurt me. [It was a whisper, spoken into Steve's shoulder.] But those you did hurt... I'm sure they forgive you as well.

[No one could really blame anyone but Barbas for what had happened in that room. Even if that didn't stop the guilt.

He just hugged him tighter, trying to give as much comfort as he could.]

I could never hurt you Shion.

[Well, not on purpose. Steve didn't usually want to hurt anyone, but he was kind of good at it in several cases. He tried not to remember that. Steve petted Shion's hair, the motion soothing something deep inside. Comforting someone was just . . . lovely. Being the one to look after people was one of his deepest seated needs.]

I like to think so. I didn't want to hurt them either.

[He wishes he could say the same. But he had hurt Steve and he can't promise it won't happen again, not when so much of what happens here is completely out of their control.]

I'm sure they know that. [Steve was always so kind, Shion can't imagine anyone not knowing that.]

Do you want coffee? [It's ready.]

[He just gave a faint nod. Maybe some of the people he'd hurt knew he didn't mean it. Hopefully. Steve always felt he'd owe more apologies. Always. He sighed softly and reluctantly let Shion go.]

Yeah, I'd like some coffee, thanks. Smells good.

[He smiled over his shoulder and went to pour coffee, bringing both mugs over and nodding to the table for them to sit down at least.

Coffee might be a small way to make things up to Steve, but it was a start.]

[Steve moved to the table and sat down, watching Shion with a faint smile. It bothered him that the boy still blamed himself, but he could absolutely understand the impulse. He lived it every day. Still, maybe Shion would forgive himself one day, and until that happened, Steve would be there to keep confirming how much the kid meant to him.]

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wrap?

yup!