James just let out a vague huff against Steve's jaw, dismissive. "I don't want to talk about it," he said, tone firmer, aiming to discourage Steve from trying yet again. He hoped the man would let the matter drop, honestly.
He shifted slightly instead, tugging on Steve's arm. "Come on. Shower."
It was a bad precedent to set, to let James have his way in things like secrets in the hotel. Steve didn't pry, as a rule, but was it really prying to ask about what sent the man to his door when he'd normally be anywhere else? It wasn't like Steve was subtle in not being fond of drugs and drinking till someone passed out, or came ridiculously close to it. He loved James, and he wasn't going to lecture someone with the life James had had on how to keep living it. But it hurt him to see his lover like that, and to know why he often did it.
Steve sighed and loosened his hold on the man. It just wasn't in him to hurt James more at the moment. Whatever had happened must have been pretty damned bad, "Come on. We'll get you clean and then I'll make you some food." He caught James' eye, the look in his own making it clear he was absolutely serious.
"But we are talking before you go James. Whatever happened, I'm on your side, but I think I deserve to know at least the generalities of what brought you here."
James stopped abruptly at that, then turned to face Steve. "Stop," he said firmly, resting a hand on Steve's chest, not a placating gesture but a warning more so than anything. "Stop that. Now. If I say I won't talk about it, then I won't talk about it. I came here because I trust you and I like being with you, Steve, but if you keep trying to push me or force me to talk, then I'll walk out the door right now."
It was none of Steve's concern, after all. And James hadn't come here to talk about it or to vent. Granted, he should've anticipated Steve trying to pry far too insistently, but he hoped that the threat of leaving would be enough to make him let it go.
"Now, it's up to you whether you want me to stay or not. Are we having that shower, or should I go find elsewhere to spend the next few days?"
Steve opened his mouth then snapped it shut, looking away to glare at the wall. He was quiet, just standing there as he fought with himself. There was so much he wanted to say, none of it very kind, but all it would do would be to push James away. The man needed him, wanted to be with him, that much was obvious. But was it enough? Could he live with so many secrets between them, where James wouldn't even give him the basics when the man showed up all but blacked out? Did James trust him so little? Didn't the man know he'd do anything anything for James? For god's sake, he was planning to try and go to James' world with him, whether the man wanted him or not. Even if all he could ever do was watch James' back there, it'd be worth it. Painful no doubt, but worth it.
He growled deep in his chest, whipping back around to face James, his free hand wrapping around the man's nape as his mouth crashed down on James'. When Steve came up for air, he spoke against the man's mouth, James still clutched tight against him, "You leave here over my dead body. If you want me, you have me James, always. Just . . . just get in the fucking shower. I'll be there in a minute." He pushed the man towards the bathroom door, gently, and headed for the rest of the suite, needing a second lest he say something to fuck everything up.
That would be one wasted trip, honestly. Because James wasn't going back to his own world. Firstly, he didn't think he'd get that chance, and even if he did? He was almost sure he wouldn't take it. He sure as fuck wouldn't let Steve follow after him to a place like that.
Where else would he go, that was something he hadn't thought of yet, but it was a decision that could wait, anyway. For now he was here, and he had a feeling he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
James let out a surprised sound when Steve kissed him, but he didn't fight against the hold, biting on his own lips when Steve broke the kiss. His gaze swept over the other man's features, then wordlessly he stepped back when Steve released him, turning around and heading into the bathroom, already removing his shirt as he reached for the tap and turned on the shower, leaving the door open as an invitation for Steve to join him whenever he felt like it.
It took him a while to join the man. Steve spent the minutes making sandwiches and pouring some nice alcoholic drinks, something likely to knock James on his ass. He had a bottle Loki had made for him of the stuff he'd had on the island, the stuff got him drunk. It was tempting to let James drink it blind, but he wasn't that cruel. He set the meal up in his room before slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door.
Steve stripped quickly and silently, so quickly he all but tore his clothes off, and stepped into the shower. His hand found a home between James' shoulder blades, shoving the man against the cool tiles until his body followed, pressing and holding James in place with his sheer size. He was hard, which was something he couldn't control, but they didn't have to do anything about it. James probably still felt like shit, but damned if that hot body didn't drive him wild, even half-washed and more than a little stubbled. Anger didn't seem to dampen his ardor, which probably didn't surprise either of them really. Steve's lips moved against the man's ear, his voice a low growl.
"I love you James. I trust you with everything in me. I'd die for you without even thinking about it. You're what I always wanted James. Just remember that. No matter what you do, I'll be here, and I'll be on your side." It was the best he could do without naming the elephant in the room. Steve didn't expect James to open up about everything, or to trust and rely on him so quickly, but there had to be something there. He couldn't give forever with nothing in return. Steve would of course because he couldn't help himself or his intrinsic need to help and support those he cared for, but it would hurt. It would scrape him raw and eventually it would show. Thankfully that was probably years down the line, assuming either of them were even still alive.
Steve stepped back reluctantly, letting James move back under the spray. His voice was still growly when he spoke again, but there was little real anger in it, "I think I promised to get you washed, along with doing your hair, right? I'm real good at that part. It's basically getting a scalp massage. You'll melt."
James didn't look over even as Steve stepped into the shower, already anticipating the other man's body pressed against his own. Of course, the first touch caught him a little by surprise, and he let out a soft groan as he found himself pressed against the wall, lips parting with a soft gasp.
His gaze flickered to try and catch a glimpse of Steve's face, but he couldn't quite get him in his field of vision. Still, he didn't struggle, waiting until Steve was done with what he wanted to say, and... well, it wasn't like he could disagree with Steve on any of it. Were their roles reversed, James wouldn't rest until he got the truth out of Steve, too.
He turned around slowly, gaze trailing up to Steve's face. He reached out and brushed his hands up Steve's arms, feeling his heart pounding so fast in his chest he could almost feel it at the back of his tongue.
"I love you too," he blurted out, immediately moving on in a futile attempt that Steve wouldn't focus too much on it. He would, undoubtedly. "It's nothing, Steve. I just... got into a fight. With Jim."
He pressed his lips in and shrugged, blue eyes flickering to meet Steve's. "It was stupid. But it's nothing."
Save for the fact that James was still perfectly convinced that Jim had left him for good, but that was a problem for him to deal with later on, not right now.
Steve stared down at the man when he turned in his arms, not expecting what James said. He blinked, sucking in a sharp breath, then closed his eyes for a moment, fighting tears. His harsh swallow was audible even over the sound of the shower spray. Steve's fingers shook slightly as he touched James' cheek, leaning in until their foreheads touched. He'd expected as much to be the impetus for James' actions, since only Jim was likely to be able to hurt the man enough he wanted to black out, but those words! He could barely think of anything else for the moment, wondering if he'd imagined the confession completely.
"I care about your fight, but say it again? Please? James please . . ."
James rolled his eyes pointedly, letting out a quiet sigh. Of course he had to get fixated on that, didn't he? Considering Steve probably never expected him to say it, he wasn't too surprised, but he honestly hoped the man didn't expect him to just go around saying it on every occasion, completely unprompted.
Still, once more he could do. Steve would just have to believe that his feelings were still the same in the future unless he stated otherwise. James just wasn't the sort for mushy confessions, not all the time at least.
"I love you," he said almost matter-of-factly, even though he felt his heart beat faster in his chest. He let out a huff. "You're not gonna ask me to say it over and over again now, are you?"
He shook his head. Steve would try never to ask for it again, but just once more . . . He shuddered when James said the words again, the first time he'd ever heard them from someone the world wasn't just laughing at him with. He and Peggy hadn't said them in life, though they'd said them often enough on the island, where it didn't count. He'd known he'd never get them from Lucas either, much as his foolish heart had continued to wish. But James . . . James was different. He was someone that was real, not a dream, and someone who he could fight for and keep. He was a man Steve loved not despite all their differences, but because of them. They had something real and painful and glorious and fragile. It was everything he'd ever for hoped for really.
Steve's voice was choked when he managed to speak, glad that the water hitting them both could account for the few tears he couldn't hold back, "No. You wouldn't be you if you did that. I just had to hear it once when I was prepared, so I could remember properly." He was quiet for a few moments, hands tight on James before he managed to relax finally.
"I'm sorry you fought James. If I can help smooth things over, just let me know. But that's all we have to say on it. You're welcome as long as you wanna stay." Steve cleared his throat, pushing all the emotions aside for the time being. If James was staying a while, he could cry while the man slept, "I think I promised I'd wash you from head to toe, right? Close your eyes and I'll start at the top."
Even if he might not see the tears, he could almost tell they were there. Steve was more emotional than he was after all, James was just glad that they could both act as though he wasn't getting all mushy and sentimental over this.
His lips curled a little, and he tipped his head up to plant a small kiss on Steve's lips. That much he could understand, wanting to remember. Once the moment passed, he nodded, still stepping closer and letting himself stay in Steve's personal space, in the comfort and safety of those arms wrapped around him.
"I'm in your very capable hands, then," he murmured, then closed his eyes and tipped his head back slightly, letting Steve take the lead and direct him through their shower. They could have some fun afterwards, but right now letting Steve take care of him and wash him from head to toe was just as appealing.
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compelledtoprotect) wrote2019-05-05 04:31 am
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He shifted slightly instead, tugging on Steve's arm. "Come on. Shower."
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Steve sighed and loosened his hold on the man. It just wasn't in him to hurt James more at the moment. Whatever had happened must have been pretty damned bad, "Come on. We'll get you clean and then I'll make you some food." He caught James' eye, the look in his own making it clear he was absolutely serious.
"But we are talking before you go James. Whatever happened, I'm on your side, but I think I deserve to know at least the generalities of what brought you here."
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It was none of Steve's concern, after all. And James hadn't come here to talk about it or to vent. Granted, he should've anticipated Steve trying to pry far too insistently, but he hoped that the threat of leaving would be enough to make him let it go.
"Now, it's up to you whether you want me to stay or not. Are we having that shower, or should I go find elsewhere to spend the next few days?"
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He growled deep in his chest, whipping back around to face James, his free hand wrapping around the man's nape as his mouth crashed down on James'. When Steve came up for air, he spoke against the man's mouth, James still clutched tight against him, "You leave here over my dead body. If you want me, you have me James, always. Just . . . just get in the fucking shower. I'll be there in a minute." He pushed the man towards the bathroom door, gently, and headed for the rest of the suite, needing a second lest he say something to fuck everything up.
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Where else would he go, that was something he hadn't thought of yet, but it was a decision that could wait, anyway. For now he was here, and he had a feeling he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
James let out a surprised sound when Steve kissed him, but he didn't fight against the hold, biting on his own lips when Steve broke the kiss. His gaze swept over the other man's features, then wordlessly he stepped back when Steve released him, turning around and heading into the bathroom, already removing his shirt as he reached for the tap and turned on the shower, leaving the door open as an invitation for Steve to join him whenever he felt like it.
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Steve stripped quickly and silently, so quickly he all but tore his clothes off, and stepped into the shower. His hand found a home between James' shoulder blades, shoving the man against the cool tiles until his body followed, pressing and holding James in place with his sheer size. He was hard, which was something he couldn't control, but they didn't have to do anything about it. James probably still felt like shit, but damned if that hot body didn't drive him wild, even half-washed and more than a little stubbled. Anger didn't seem to dampen his ardor, which probably didn't surprise either of them really. Steve's lips moved against the man's ear, his voice a low growl.
"I love you James. I trust you with everything in me. I'd die for you without even thinking about it. You're what I always wanted James. Just remember that. No matter what you do, I'll be here, and I'll be on your side." It was the best he could do without naming the elephant in the room. Steve didn't expect James to open up about everything, or to trust and rely on him so quickly, but there had to be something there. He couldn't give forever with nothing in return. Steve would of course because he couldn't help himself or his intrinsic need to help and support those he cared for, but it would hurt. It would scrape him raw and eventually it would show. Thankfully that was probably years down the line, assuming either of them were even still alive.
Steve stepped back reluctantly, letting James move back under the spray. His voice was still growly when he spoke again, but there was little real anger in it, "I think I promised to get you washed, along with doing your hair, right? I'm real good at that part. It's basically getting a scalp massage. You'll melt."
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His gaze flickered to try and catch a glimpse of Steve's face, but he couldn't quite get him in his field of vision. Still, he didn't struggle, waiting until Steve was done with what he wanted to say, and... well, it wasn't like he could disagree with Steve on any of it. Were their roles reversed, James wouldn't rest until he got the truth out of Steve, too.
He turned around slowly, gaze trailing up to Steve's face. He reached out and brushed his hands up Steve's arms, feeling his heart pounding so fast in his chest he could almost feel it at the back of his tongue.
"I love you too," he blurted out, immediately moving on in a futile attempt that Steve wouldn't focus too much on it. He would, undoubtedly. "It's nothing, Steve. I just... got into a fight. With Jim."
He pressed his lips in and shrugged, blue eyes flickering to meet Steve's. "It was stupid. But it's nothing."
Save for the fact that James was still perfectly convinced that Jim had left him for good, but that was a problem for him to deal with later on, not right now.
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"I care about your fight, but say it again? Please? James please . . ."
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Still, once more he could do. Steve would just have to believe that his feelings were still the same in the future unless he stated otherwise. James just wasn't the sort for mushy confessions, not all the time at least.
"I love you," he said almost matter-of-factly, even though he felt his heart beat faster in his chest. He let out a huff. "You're not gonna ask me to say it over and over again now, are you?"
Wanna call it done?
Steve's voice was choked when he managed to speak, glad that the water hitting them both could account for the few tears he couldn't hold back, "No. You wouldn't be you if you did that. I just had to hear it once when I was prepared, so I could remember properly." He was quiet for a few moments, hands tight on James before he managed to relax finally.
"I'm sorry you fought James. If I can help smooth things over, just let me know. But that's all we have to say on it. You're welcome as long as you wanna stay." Steve cleared his throat, pushing all the emotions aside for the time being. If James was staying a while, he could cry while the man slept, "I think I promised I'd wash you from head to toe, right? Close your eyes and I'll start at the top."
Looks good to me!!
His lips curled a little, and he tipped his head up to plant a small kiss on Steve's lips. That much he could understand, wanting to remember. Once the moment passed, he nodded, still stepping closer and letting himself stay in Steve's personal space, in the comfort and safety of those arms wrapped around him.
"I'm in your very capable hands, then," he murmured, then closed his eyes and tipped his head back slightly, letting Steve take the lead and direct him through their shower. They could have some fun afterwards, but right now letting Steve take care of him and wash him from head to toe was just as appealing.